Sarah sized him up and took her time to appreciate his biceps and well-built chest beneath his grey coloured T shirt as they took a stroll in her estate. She was home all alone and knew it wasn’t safe for them to be there together so she opted for the stroll. She was the cautious type; she wanted to get to know him first before allowing room for undue closeness. She had been in three relationships; the last two left her really hurt, the latter which had a worse impact ended only a few weeks ago.

Sarah had been a very God fearing girl since she was a child and now in her twenties, she has not loved God any less. To complement her fervent nature was her breath taking beauty. She was tall, slim and beautiful. And here with her was James a tall, dark and handsome guy. People admired them as they walked and a few walked up to her in private with statements like ‘you guys look so good together’. She consistently told herself that she wasn’t going to be swept off her feet by his looks but would instead observe his relationship with God and so far she hadn’t been impressed. She however kept this to herself as she didn’t want to appear judgmental.

As they walked and talked regularly, she started getting fund of him. His visits and calls became more frequent and as usual, feelings gradually began to grow. She tried to search her spirit to know if she was doing the right thing but her feelings seemed to have already clouded her judgment. She knew James was really expressive in his display of affection and she wasn’t comfortable with it. She told him repeatedly she wasn’t okay with his undue physical closeness; the pecks and intimate hugs. “For crying out loud, we aren’t in a relationship” she explained. She was correct about the fact that they weren’t in a relationship but what was worse off was an undefined relationship, the kind they were in.

James on one hand was struggling with his flesh. He could not decipher if what he had for Sarah was love or just mere infatuation. All he knew was he wanted badly to be around her and when he was, it was all about her body. Sarah on the other hand liked him but struggled with the advances he made at her when they were alone. Yes, they had started seeing in lonely places even though that was what Sarah initially tried avoiding. But can two walk together except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3). They weren’t on the same page from the start. Sarah had her boundary but James had his, which was different than hers. For him it was no sex before marriage but for her she was reserving her first kiss and anything intimate till her wedding day.

She started rationalizing and giving excuses for his actions. She wondered if her ‘standards’ were too high and began to compromise. She allowed him to touch her and she enjoyed it. Deep down she had no peace but the feeling she got was beyond words. The satisfaction was like nothing she had ever experienced. It started with mere hand holding then to a stroke on the back but in no time accelerated to his hands all over her body. At that point she told him to stop and insisted he left immediately. Thankfully, he did without trying to do anything irrational like rape her.

Minutes after he left her house, she broke down in tears. She felt so bad as a weight of guilt descended on her. She fell on her knees and asked for God’s mercy. She knew she had crossed her boundaries even though they never kissed. She realized there’s so much that could happen even without kissing. She knew she needed a more defined boundary but much more than that she cried for God’s grace, she couldn’t do it herself.                          

Immediately, she felt peace overwhelm her. It was God’s peace. She decided to forgive herself and James. The whole experience was indeed an eye opener for her. It dawned on her that believers that fell into sexual sin before marriage didn’t necessary do it because they decided in their heart to but because they failed to set boundaries. She also learnt from the experience the importance of defining the relationship to know what direction it is headed. But much more than that, God taught her how much of a forgiving Father He is if we fall.

‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness’ 1 John 1:9

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This isn’t a true life story but one that depicts some of the challenges we face as believers. The truth is that there is no written down law in the Bible as to how ‘far is too far in a godly relationship’. We know sex is out. We have to trust the Holy Spirit for grace to stand. Never at any point depend on your strength or say ‘I know how to control myself’. Don’t rationalize or give room for compromise. If he or she says your standards are too high, the person is not worth you. Better safe than sorry. Not everyone has such fortunate ending as Sarah did. A friend once told me ‘As Christians we should not tempt the devil by giving him the opportunity to temp us’.  

God bless and keep you.

(2016)

Emmanuela Mike-Bamiloye