I sat on my bed on this fateful Sunday afternoon surrounded by my Pharmacology notes, textbook and Kaplan video paused on my laptop. I knew my exams (MB Part 2) were in less than two months and I had to read yet I found it very difficult to concentrate.

My mind flashed to how I met this really great guy in a conference at Imo state some two months ago, I slowly recalled our calls and chats over those two months and my heart ached when I remembered the most recent occurrence between us that took place some days ago. It melted when I remembered him say he felt things were moving too fast between us and he needed to pull back. In as much as I totally agreed with him, it seemed to that I was the only one hurting. I mean he didn’t even sound like it was a painful decision for him because for me it was.

As a result of this, I decided to delete everything that reminded me of him; his pictures (including the ones we took together), our chats on BBM and placed the one on whatsapp in the archive. It was very difficult but I knew that was the best thing for me to do in order to avoid being heart broken. As I did it, I silently prayed that if he was mine, then I’ll get them all back and even more.

Back to the present, here I am with tears rolling down my cheeks. Its been like forever. I really miss talking and chatting with him and it hurts to think I am the only one feeling this way. I picked my tab to check updates on BBM and there he was again. I saw his picture and my heart skipped. I know he had been super busy this past week with final year week and probably preparations for exams and all but it seems he didn’t even notice that we didn’t speak for over a week.

As I stared at his picture with tears rolling down my eyes, I kept on asking myself, ‘How did I get to like you this much in this short time?’. It hurts that I liked him this much and the feeling didn’t seem mutual. Suddenly it hit me like a thunder bolt. I started to wonder “if I, being human, feel this way about a person, how much more God who loved the whole world so much so that He sent His only begotten son to die for mankind”. Millions of people are still out there who have rejected His unconditional love. He has tried so hard to reach out to them but with little or no response.

Its so sweet to be in love with someone who loves you perhaps even more but how terrible it is to fall in love with a people who have rejected your love. Father I am so grateful for your love, I know I cannot repay You but I’ll spend eternity trying. I love You so much my First Love.

(Written in 2014 after I experienced a breakup from a ‘situationship’)

(2015)

Emmanuela Mike-Bamiloye