Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” Whenever you turn to the right hand Or whenever you turn to the left.
Isa 30:21
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
👉🏼Story time
Let me start by sharing the story of two ladies; Faith and Happiness. They were both in relationships headed towards marriage. They were both children of God.
Faith and her fiancé had been in the relationship for two years. Prior to the commencement of their relationship, they were good friends. When he proposed marriage to her, she told him her reply was dependent on what God tells her when she prays. Although she really liked him and was happy he proposed, she knew she needed more than that. So she went to God in prayers.
Bayo, her fiancé wasn’t the first guy she’d like or she’d pray about but for the other brothers it had been a NO from God. She wondered if this will be any different. All she wanted to do was follow whatever God tells her. She put her trust in Him and put her feelings aside. She went to God in prayers and opened her heart to hear what He’d tell her not what she wanted her ears to hear. Prior to that time, she had had a sound relationship with God. She heard Him speak through His Word, the still small voice and through dreams. Because of this, she was confident God will speak to her as He had always done.
As she listened for what God will tell her, she heard Him tell her Bayo was His will for her and He also gave her other confirmations. She had so much peace and joy.
Because her parents weren’t very mature Christians she decided that after informing them about Bayo, she’ll still need a confirmation from her spiritual authority so she told her youth pastor and his wife. They prayed and also confirmed that Bayo was God’s will for her life.
She finally gave him a yes and the relationship began. The first challenge that arose was that Bayo’s mum didn’t like or approve of her because she wasn’t Yoruba. They both went to God in prayers, reminded Him of His Word and promises and after some months Bayo’s mum accepted her. Along the line Bayo lost his job and things got tough but Faith remembered God told her He will be their source and sufficiency. This gave her strength to go on. And they scaled through every storm that arose either through God’s Word He had spoken at the beginning or through a fresh Word they got when they went to Him in prayer.
Sis Happiness on the other hand was a bit different from Faith. Before her fiancé, Chidi proposed to her six months ago, she was already head over heels in love with him. She felt butterflies wiggle in her tummy every time she saw him and her heart raced anytime his name was mentioned.
He was everything she dreamed in a man and more. These feelings brought a sense of peace and so when he finally popped the question, she knew that had to be it. The feelings she had for him were unparalleled, the peace and tranquility was calming and the excitement she felt when she was with him brought her joy. For her, all these were pointers to the fact that He was ‘the one’.
She hadn’t really had a good grasp of hearing God speak. She didn’t really spend time in His presence to receive an answer before she concluded that God speak to her. So when it came to praying about if Chidi was the one, she didn’t really expect much of an answer. She just thanked God for him, informed Him about the situation and told Him her plans to say yes and was off.
The relationship started almost immediately after he asked her and everything began on a smooth note. The first bump on the road was she discovered Chidi wasn’t as spiritual as she thought. She had wanted a ‘jim Jim’, fire speaking, demon casting brother but he was the Sunday Sunday type. She didn’t realise she was only going to attract her kind of person as she herself wasn’t the spiritual type. The next bump was he kept pressuring her to get physically intimate with him. These made her very uncomfortable and when she gave in, she felt farther away from God. She went to God in prayer but still didn’t hear anything. She wanted to be sure if she was making a mistake or on the right path but there was no prior conviction to hold on to and she ended up frustrated.
Now we have looked at the story of two ladies in relationships, I’m sure you will agree with me that there are a lot of lessons to be learnt from their lives. We will be looking at them:
- God’s Word stands through any test; test of time, storms, challenges etc. It doesn’t fail. God never said storms will not arise but it is His Word that keeps us through the storm. There were two houses built, one was built on the rock (God’s Word) the other was built on the sand. The Bible says in Matt 7: 24-26 that the rain and flood and wind hit both houses but only the one on the rock stood.
This means that the fact that you’ve got God’s backing over a matter doesn’t mean the road will be smooth. It doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges but it means that God will be present in the storm and will bring you out. Therefore ask yourself, if you are already in a relationship, “what is the foundation of this relationship?” “And if you aren’t yet in one, what kind of foundation will I like to lay?”
- Don’t begin a relationship based on feelings, they cannot be trusted. They can be something today and another thing tomorrow, we’ll look more into that shortly.
- Love is not a feeling. It’s a choice, a decision, an intentional act and it is unconditional meaning you don’t only give it to a person because they love you back, but you love irrespective.
Love is not butterflies in the tummy, neither is it the excitement you feel around a person.
Because that excitement will not always be there. There will be times you see the person and you feel normal. That doesn’t mean you have stopped loving the person. You choose to love even when you don’t FEEL like.
Also many people refer to the excitement as peace. That happiness and excitement you feel when you meet someone you like is not the same a peace. Peace is constant even in the storm.
Peace is not a feeling, it is rest in your inner man. A rest that is unmoved even in the face of challenges
Many people are quick to say I have peace about the brother. That’s good but
- Be sure it is really peace and not just excitement and
- Build on that peace by getting something more. Get a word from God because even though peace is good, it is not enough.
- Don’t ignore the place of spiritual authority and receiving confirmations. When God speaks, a prove that He has spoken is that there would be confirmations. It is safe to have a spiritual authority over you. Someone you receive counsel from, someone who can guide and lead you aright.
The overall decision of who to marry is yours to make but the place of guidance from spiritually mature believers is very essential.
Proverbs 11:14 says “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”
- It is the way God had always spoken in times past He’ll speak to you about your future spouse. So if you don’t have a sound relationship with God, your prayer shouldn’t be “Lord send my husband or wife” but “Lord please help me to grow more in you”.
You want to know if He is the one but you don’t know God much, your priority is misplaced. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and every other thing will be added unto you.” Matt 6:33. You must know God for yourself.
- You attract your kind. You can’t be a spiritually cold sister and be praying for a ‘Jim jim’ brother. Allow God to work on you first, let him build you into the vessel He wants you to be. So you will be fit for His son. The single period is the best time to prepare for what God has stored up.
- Don’t ignore red flags in a relationship.
Someone pressuring you to be physically intimate is a red flag. A person who you know being with him is drawing you father away from God is a very red flag. Run away from whatever takes you away from God.
- Don’t be hasty in giving an answer or to pop the question. In as much as it isn’t right to keep a brother waiting for eternity, don’t rush to give an answer. God is a God of timing and order. Time is a good test of some things. You should be careful of any brother who cannot exercise patience for whatever reason or any sister pushing you into a relationship. Time helps to reveal and expose certain things. You should never rush to give an answer especially when you aren’t sure.
👉🏼Is having feelings a bad thing?
Not at all. The attraction and feelings are totally natural. They are there to spice things up especially in marriage. But they aren’t enough to build a relationship on. They cannot be trusted.
That’s why you hear people saying they are no longer in love. What they are referring to as love is feelings they had. You cannot fall out of true love because God is love. He is the one that supplies new wine when the old wine is running out and His new wine is always sweeter than the old.
👉🏼What are convictions?
To be convinced means to be sure. And in this contest, it means to be firmly rooted in God’s Word on the issue of who God’s will is for you regarding marriage.
One cannot speak about getting convinced without speaking about hearing God. Because it is God’s Word that brings conviction.
God speaks through various means; The Word of God, the Holy Spirit, dreams, people, inner witness and so on. It is very important to have a solid foundation in God and how He speaks so you won’t be tossed to and fro without sense of purpose or direction.
One beautiful thing about being convinced is you have direction and direction is very vital in fulfilling purpose
Marriage is not trial and error. It is life long and you mustn’t miss it because a lot of things are tied to the choice of who to marry. Your children, your ministry, your joy, your fulfillment and so much more lie upon the shoulders of the choice of who you get married to. Therefore make the right choice of building your marriage on convention based on God’s Word and not feelings which cannot be trusted.
God bless
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